


If There is Light

by shrugheadjonesthethird



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Birthday, Character Death, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Future Fic, Hurt Jughead Jones, Jughead Jones Loves Betty Cooper, Jughead Jones Needs a Hug, Letters, Love Letters, Traditions, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 15:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14897159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrugheadjonesthethird/pseuds/shrugheadjonesthethird
Summary: On their daughter's 18th birthday, Jughead reflects on his relationship with Betty and their journey of how they got to this day through a series of letters.





	If There is Light

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this. Recommended song: if there is light, it will find you by Senses Fail. 
> 
> You may want to grab some tissues.
> 
>  
> 
> _The italics are the letters._
> 
>  
> 
> Shout out to my darling, Evie, for being the most amazing beta that ever was. She indulged me when I had the idea, let me bounce ideas off of her, and encouraged me to make this happen. Love you!

_“How am I supposed to move on when I'm so afraid_

_Of the loneliness that I feel when the sun sets on your grave_

_I guess the best thing I can do with my time is love every minute of life_

_When the fact is I would rather curl up and die_

_I can't breathe if you're not alive._

_\---------------------_

 

“Happy birthday, Elizabeth,” Jughead said handing her a wooden box wrapped with a shiny pink bow. They sat in silence for a few minutes as she ran her hands over the stained oak. She looked up at Jughead, tears pricking her eyes.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I told you when you turned 18--" Jughead couldn't finish his sentence, the words lodged in his throat.

“I know,” she whispered. She fingered the bow again, slowly tugging it off the box. She took a sharp breath in as she slowly opened the lid.

Inside the box were stacks of envelopes sorted into two identical stacks.

_Betty. Elizabeth._

She looked up again into her father's eyes. “Are you ready?” He asked.

“Are _you_ ready?” She parroted with a small chuckle. He slowly shook his head, willing the impending tsunami of emotion to vanish.

This moment was the second hardest of Jughead’s life. Second only to burying Betty Cooper--his best friend, wife, love of his life, and mother of his daughter--the pride of his life.

 

\---

_Today was quite possibly the hardest day of my life, Betty. This week has been a whirlwind, but it wasn't supposed to end like it did._

_It started the day our daughter was born. God, she is so beautiful. They rushed you out of the room before we could name her. I know we had talked about it, what her name should have been, but after - everything - I had to change the plan. I’m sorry. I named her Elizabeth. I wish you could have seen her._

_We laid you to rest today, my love. I have never been so lost in my life. I have loved you since we were sixteen, probably even longer. I will_ never _stop. I don't think I can. I am going to do everything I can to make you proud, to be the man you always saw in me. To raise our daughter to be everything we dreamed._

_I love you,_

_Jug_

_\----_

_Betty,_

_Believe it or not, your mother has been amazing to us. She helped us settle in to our new apartment. I moved us back to Riverdale. I know we said we weren't going to but this is where I feel closest to you. Elizabeth needs to know where we grew up. She needs to know what this place was to us--the good, bad, and ugly of it all._

_The last year has been so hard. I see you in everything I do, everywhere I go. In the early morning as the sun is rising and I'm on the balcony with my coffee. In the corner of the room when I'm trying to work, in our booth at Pop’s._

_Elizabeth looks like you, sweetheart, it breaks my heart. I miss you everyday. I know you know that. Part of me is missing with you gone, but having Elizabeth makes it hurt a little less._

_I wish we could switch places every day. I hate living in a world that you're not in. It hurts to breathe without you here. I wish--_

_I love you,_

_Jug_

_\--_

Elizabeth wiped rogue tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her flannel. Jughead sat across from her, tears streaming unabashedly down his cheeks, watching the spitting image of his wife read the first years if her own life. His heart shattered in his chest, but he knew in his heart that it was finally time for her to know their story, their love.

“Keep going-" she took a deep breath “-I know its it's hard, dear, but-"

“I know.”

\--

_Elizabeth,_

_I hate that you'll never know your mother. She was, is, single handedly the most important woman, person, in my life and I will make sure you know all about her to the best of my ability. Just know that no matter what, no matter where she is, she loves you. I love you - you are my pride and joy and I cannot wait to see who you become. I hope I don't screw it up too badly without her here._

_I love you._

_Dad_

_\--_

 

Tears were coursing down Elizabeth's face, sobs ravishing her body. It was only the beginning. They knew it would only get harder from here.

“You didn’t screw it up, Dad.”

 

\--

_I swear I saw you today when I dropped Elizabeth off with your mom. I turned around to look at the house and I swear you were in your bedroom window. I stopped and cried. I was flooded with the memory of our first kiss. How could I ever forget?_

_We were sixteen. I climbed up Fred Andrews’ ladder and knocked on your window. God, I was so nervous. “Hey there, Juliet. Nurse off duty?” I asked. You laughed at it, like all of my horrible jokes or sarcastic quips. You smiled when we broke apart and I swear my world turned upside down. I knew it before, but i knew i loved you then. I love you now, still, always._

_It was so hard to be us, but I wouldn't change a single second, even the bad stuff. Don’t get me wrong, if i could get those few months back-- but its part of our story and I_ love _our story._

_I love you. Jug_

_\--_

 

“What do you mean, ‘get get those months back’?”

Jughead took a deep breath, he had been steering clear of this part of him, keeping it from Elizabeth. Despite living in Riverdale, despite FP’s involvement in their lives. He turned in his jacket before leaving for college with Betty. New York was their dream and he wasn't going to let the snake pit ruin his life and take Betty away from him again.

“When I was 16, your grandfather made me the leader of the Southside Serpents. They weren't what they are now; now they're a glorified fraternity. We did some pretty terrible things that I'm not proud of. I thought I was protecting her, but I did the one thing to actually hurt her. I was so afraid to lose her or see her get hurt, but that's what I did." Elizabeth nodded slowly taking in all of the information she’d received in the last few hours. She’d read dozens of letters detailing specific moments in her parents life, specific moments from her own childhood she barely remembered; filled with comparisons to her mother, things she didn’t even know she was doing.

The tears hadn't stopped. She knew they weren't going to any time soon -- there were still so many letters to read and many more questions to be answered. She thought she was ready, but now that she had started, she needed to finish.

 

\--

_You started kindergarten today. This is the age I met your mother. I hope you find your lifetime best friends like we did. Me, your mom, and Uncle Archie were three peas in a pod, the three musketeers._

_You look so much like her it hurts. I made sure your sweater was pressed, like I know she would have done. Your favorite book was in your backpack, because of course you started reading early. It amazes me how much like her you already are._

_Love, Dad._

_\--_

_I took Elizabeth to the Southside today. You’d be amazed at how turned around it is. We went to see FP at the trailer. We went down to the playground at the end of his row. To my surprise, everyone was there-- Toni, Cheryl, Pea, Fangs. You would have loved seeing Elizabeth play with Pea’s daughter Delilah. They're already best friends. Elizabeth is so polite, Betty, you’d be so proud. She's more like you every day._

_Some days I can't handle it. I sit on the balcony and just talk to you. I know you're there with me. I feel you when the wind blows, when the sun shines bright on Elizabeth’s hair, when I'm alone at Pop’s, wishing you'd come through the door like when we were in high school._

_When we said we were like Romeo and Juliet but we live happily ever after instead--i just wish I could hold you again. Our bed is so empty without you stealing the covers and putting your cold feet on my calves._

_Love you forever. Juggie_

_\--_

 

“How we doin’?” Jughead asked through sniffles, tears still in his eyes. Elizabeth had never seen him so emotional. She knew how hard this was for him. He'd been living without half of himself for eighteen years. Elizabeth hoped she'd never feel pain like that.

Elizabeth was set to read the next letter when the doorbell sounded. He wiped the tears from his eyes and walked toward the door. He peeked through the peephole and released the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He unlocked the chain and opened the door with a watery smile.

“Happy birthday, EJ!” Veronica chirped, walking through the door with Archie just behind her.

“V, you know she hates being called that,” Jughead reminded her.

“No, Dad. I think it’s okay. I don’t mind it,” Elizabeth said raising the letters in her hand, a small smile on her lips. Jughead began to cry again, not even bothering to hide it from his best friends. “Thanks, Aunt V.”

“Happy birthday, kiddo,” Archie said.

“Thanks, Uncle Arch.”

“What’re you guys doin’ here?” Jughead asked.

“How quickly he forgets!” Veronica sighed. “Birthday tradition dictates that we all go to Pop’s at one o’clock!”

“Is it that late already?” Jughead looked at his watch. He hadn’t realized they had been sitting in the living room for nearly four hours, mostly in silence. Veronica looked around the living room and saw the envelopes on the table next to the wooden box.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt this. We can always reschedule,” Veronica said getting teary eyed herself. Archie rubbed his hand up and down her shoulder for comfort. Veronica had known this was coming. Years ago, she found some of the letters in Jughead’s desk and learned quickly that this was his way to cope with his loss.

“No. Pop’s sounds great, Aunt V. I think I could use a break. It’s a lot to take in,” she shrugged. “Is that okay, Dad?”

“Whatever you wanna do is fine with me.”

\--

They arrived at Pop’s and sat in their usual booth. Archie and Veronica on one side, Elizabeth and Jughead on the other.

“I still just can’t get over how much she looks like Betty, Jug. I thought those Jones genes were supposed to be strong,” she laughed. Jughead rolled his eyes at the comment before watching as Veronica pulled out an envelope from her purse and slid it to Elizabeth.

“Aunt V, you didn’t need to do this, you know that.”

“What kind of Aunt would I be if I didn’t spoil my favorite niece?”

“She’s your _only_ niece, Ronnie,” Jughead joked.

“My point still stands. Besides, I wanted you to have this.” Elizabeth opened the birthday card. Inside, there was a picture that looked eerily similar to their current set up. The photo was slightly faded, a little rough around the edges. “It was taken, right here, the last day of high school.”

“Ah, yes, the core four,” Archie piped up. “We had some of the best times here, EJ. Something good happens, we came here to celebrate. If we needed to escape, we came here. Pep rallys, concerts, late night study sessions--Pop’s was the glue that kept the town together back then.” Archie smiled at the nostalgia of it all.

Just then, Pop Tate came around the booth delivering their usuals--some things would never change. Veronica handed Pop her phone and asked if he could take a photo of them. Jughead threw his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulder and pulled her in close. Archie did the same with Veronica. Without even realizing, they had recreated the photograph. Veronica thanked Pop and turned the phone to show Elizabeth. She compared the photos side by side and gasped.

Elizabeth had been told all her life that she looked just like her mother, that she _was_ just like her mother, but she had no point of reference, only photos and a flutter in the pit of her stomach that let her know they were compliments. Staring at the photos, one in each hand, she finally saw it. She finally saw why everyone told her she was undoubtedly Betty Cooper’s daughter. She was more like Jughead than he would care to admit, but physically, she was all Betty, and he couldn’t be more proud. He kissed the side of her head and squeezed her shoulders before letting her go.

“Tell me about her, Aunt V, Uncle Archie. What’s your favorite memory with her?” She folded her hands politely in her lap, waiting for a response.

“God, there are so many. Where would I even begin?” Archie said. “We met when we were five. The Coopers moved in next door to my family. We were instant best friends. We went all through school together, always in the same class until she overheard that I might get left back because I wasn’t reading well, so she tutored me every day after school just so we’d always be in the same class. But, that was just the kind of person she was, EJ. Selfless, almost destructively so, warm, compassionate--” Archie trailed off.

“You didn’t think you got those traits from Jug here, did you?” Veronica quipped, causing the entire table to chuckle lowly. “Our resident loner weirdo, turned Serpent, turned love sick puppy, has many wonderful traits, but those took some time.” She winked at Jughead. He rolled his eyes affectionately. “Oh my God! When we broke into Grundy’s car! Please tell me you guys remember that?”

“I’m sorry, _broke into_ her car? That doesn’t sound like you, Aunt V, or Mom for that matter. There has to be a story behind it.” Elizabeth sat up eager to hear a story she hadn’t yet heard.

“She doesn’t need to hear about that,” Archie said nervously.

“Of course you’d say that, but it was one of our first B & V team ups, so--” Archie groaned with embarrassment.

“So, you broke into this person’s car?”

“Ah, sweet child. It was shortly before your parents started dating. Archie here decided that he was going to have an affair with our music teacher. Needless to say, when Betty found out, she needed to do something about it.” Veronica smiled. “She was the most determined person to walk these streets, EJ. Well, until you.”

“Wait--Uncle Arch--you slept with your teacher?!” Elizabeth’s face contorted into one of disgust.

“That’s not the point!”

“Anyway, she took one of Hal’s slim jims from the garage and we snuck to her house and broke into her Beetle. The smug look on her face that she’d done it was enough for me to solidify our friendship. I had only been in town for a few short weeks at that point. Her steadfast loyalty to this guy here was astounding considering--”

“Yeah, we get that part,” Jughead groaned.

“So, we broke in, found out she was a fraud, found a gun stashed in a lockbox, and confronted Archie with the facts. She was murdered a few months later, but that’s neither here nor there.” Veronica finished.

“So what I’m hearing is that mom broke the law to prove a point?” She shook her head in amusement.

“Wouldn’t have been her first time, but that’s a story for another day,” Jughead laughed.

They finished their meals in companionable silence, paid the bill and promptly left. It was a nice break, but Elizabeth wanted to return to the letters; there were still a lot left to go through.

\--

Jughead and Elizabeth settled back onto their respective couches to continue their journey through the letters.

“I thought you hated being called EJ.” Jughead stated.

“Not after these. I didn’t realize how important it was to you and mom.” She took a deep breath. “What was the original plan for my name? You apologized to mom in the first letter for not sticking to the plan. What was the plan?”

“You were supposed to be Juliet Allison Jones.” Jughead played with the worn metal still housed on his left ring finger nervously.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” Jughead smiled sweetly at his daughter, settling back into the couch to watch as she delved back into the box of letters. She had already read dozens, but there were plenty more still to go.

\--

 

_I swear she’s you reincarnated. She tried out for the Vixens with Natalie today and they both got in. She came home bouncing like you did when you and Veronica made the squad. At least they have someone more tolerable than Cheryl Blossom as their captain. I guess she wasn’t all bad._

_However, I let her go to the first Bulldog party of the season. I think that may have been a mistake. She called me at 2:00am for a ride home from across town. She was drunk. I think I’ve failed her as a parent. I tried to hard to shield her from the Jones’ addiction traits. Did I push her into it? You would have handled this so much better than I did._

_I know it was one time, and after how I reacted, I don’t know if it will happen again. I hope not. I felt like I was sixteen again and images of my dad came flooding back. You remember how awful that was._

_This would be so much easier if you were here. Send me strength._

_I love you. Jug_

\--

 

Elizabeth looked up at her father, tears flowing harder than they had been all day. “Do you really think you failed me?”

Jughead ran his fingers through his mess of dark waves and sighed. “Most days, yeah, I do.” He admitted quietly. “It hasn’t always been easy. It was never the plan to be a single dad, but this is the hand I was dealt. That we were dealt. I am so grateful for Veronica and Archie, hell even your grandparents. I know I couldn’t have done it without them. At least with Veronica around you had a female figure in your life. I know I couldn’t be everything to you, but I tried-” sobs rattled through his body. Raising Elizabeth on his own had been so difficult, but he really was grateful to the Andrews’ family for their constant support. They were the the closest thing to her mother that she would get.

Elizabeth didn’t speak. She slowly put the letter down and moved herself into her father’s lap and continued to cry there for a while. Jughead rubbed small circles on her back, just as he had done while she was younger. Whenever she’d get hurt or be upset over something from school, she’d curl up into Jughead’s lap and cry. The tactile comfort helped calm her, just like her mother.

“I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but--”

“I’m just like mom?”

“Exactly.”

\--

 

_Happy anniversary, my darling. Fifteen years ago we got married. I will never forget it as long as I live. You were - and still are - the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set my eyes on. The sparkle in your eyes as you walked down the aisle to me, the tears streaming down your cheeks while you said the vows we shared in front of our families, but the vows we shared together before the wedding were my favorite. They are still taped to the back of our wedding photo on the mantle._

_I listen to our song and remember the smile on your face as we danced around Pickens Park._

You’re still the one that makes me laugh

Still the one that’s my better half

You’re still that one that makes me strong

Still the one -- I want to take along

_These words are still true. You will always be my better half, you will always be what gives me strength to get through, even when all I want to do it curl up in a ball._

_You whispered in my ear as the song finished playing ‘We finally get our happy ending’. We spoke too soon._

_I love you. Jug_

\--

 

_Happy sixteen, Elizabeth. I don’t know where the time has gone, but it has gone too quickly. Before we know it you’ll be off to college and living the life you’ve always dreamed of. I am so proud of you everyday. I know your mother would be too. You are growing into an amazing young woman. You’re going to do amazing things, but you’ll always be my little girl._

_I love you. Dad_

_\--_

 

_Jesus, she’s writing for the Blue and Gold. I cannot express how proud I am. You resurrected that paper when we were that age and it’s still running. Your legacy is still going, baby. She hates semicolons as much as you did._

_Our early mornings in the Blue and Gold are some of my favorite moments of my life. It’s where we solved Jason Blossom’s murder, it’s where we figured out_ everything _. It was our safe place. No, scratch that,_ YOU _were my safe place. I still don’t know how I’m doing this without you. It doesn’t get any easier._

_I love you. Jug_

_\--_

 

“Mom resurrected the Blue and Gold?”

“Single handedly. Then, she roped me into with her. She said because I was writing my book on the murder that she should publish it in the paper. I told her I wanted complete creative freedom. I didn’t get it, but that was okay. She made my writing better, she made _me_ better.”

Elizabeth placed the letter onto the stack of letters she’d already read. There were only a few left. She crossed her legs underneath her and settled in to finish what she’d started.

\--

 

_She’s. Driving. Jesus, Betty. I’m not ready for this. When I took her out to practice I got lost in the memory of us in my dad’s old pick up (which finally died, by the way). We would drive to nowhere, holding hands, sometimes in silence, just being next to each other was enough. There was no need for idle chatter. We said everything we needed to without words then, and always did._

_It pains me to say that I have almost forgotten what your touch feels like, the feel of your breath on my neck during a ‘welcome home from work, honey I missed you’ hug. I never thought I’d say it, but thank God for technology or I would have forgotten your voice._

_No, that’s not true. I could_ **never** _forget the sound of your voice._

_I love you. Jug._

\--

 

_I am so proud of you, Elizabeth Jones. I love that you want to pursue journalism just as your mother did. I love that you’ve applied to all of the same schools we had. I love that you’ve been accepted to every single one, just like I knew you would. You amaze me everyday, little girl. I will never, not be proud of everything you have done and will continue to do._

_Love you. Dad._

\--

 

_Happy eighteenth birthday, Elizabeth. In a few short weeks, you will graduate Riverdale High and be off to Columbia. We are so proud of you. Yes, we. I know your mom is, too. Aunt V and Uncle Arch are bursting. You’ve accomplished so much in your eighteen years, more than I could have dreamed, more than I ever thought I was going to._

_Today is going to be a hard day for us both, but I promise things will make more sense at the end of it. I will always be here for you, Elizabeth Juliet Jones. Please don’t ever forget that._

_I love you. Dad._

\--

 

“How could I ever forget it, Dad?” Elizabeth sobbed.

“You’re nothing like me at eighteen, thank the Lord. But, I never thought I deserved love in any capacity. Not until I met your mother. Even after, I thought she was too good to be true, like the universe was playing a trick on me, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, at least in the beginning. I always thought she deserved more than the weirdo loner from the Southside who drank too much coffee and wrote until the wee hours of the morning, putting her life, and his own, in danger because he thought he was doing the right thing.” He took a deep breath. Jughead stood up from his place in the black leather chair and went into his bedroom. He came back with something in his hands.

“What’s that?”

“This-” he started, “-is going to fill in all the gaps. You’ll probably have a lot of questions, and I’ll answer them all, I promise, but finish it first.” He handed her the first copy of his newest book. It was set to be fully released across the country in a few weeks, but the first copy from the publisher had come in a week prior and he knew she had to read it. She deserved to know all of it; to know where she came from, even if she’d never met half of herself in the flesh, maybe this would give her some insight.

It was the story of Betty and Jughead, from start to finish. Unfortunately, there was a finish, one he wasn’t prepared for, one he still hasn’t full coped with, one he never would, as long as he was still living in a world without Betty Cooper, he would never truly be okay.

“I love you, Dad. Thank you.”

 

\--fin

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, not sorry. This idea lodged itself into my brain and it needed to be released into the AO3/tumblr/Bughead wild.
> 
> Song in the anniversary letter is Still the One by Orleans.
> 
> Please, let me know what you think of this one. I'm super nervous about posting and feedback (comments, kudos, messages, etc.) in any and all ways would be greatly appreciated.


End file.
